I think about you all the time
My life seems like a mime
In my heart you are
Oh dear…it’s about you I care

Your love is the object of my desire
I drink the tears of pain with a lot of ire
Yet when I think of you I take the pain
Even though I know there’s nothing to gain

The secret of your joy is my enlightenment
There is no other knowledge that brings such fulfillment
How much I wish to see you smile
I would go that extra mile

Don’t keep your feet on this ground
I will carry you around
Pierce a knife into my heart
And tear it apart

With blood oozing onto my palms
I will die carrying you in my arms
Yet, with a smile on my face
I would  just want an embrace

You suffer when you don’t get what you want and you also suffer when you get what you want, because its only temporary (Peaceful Warrior)…what remains is only the journey, which teaches us that the solution to all problems is  to love the journey and not the destination…Imagine what would happen, if two people enjoyed the painful journey of life, supporting each other at every facet. In the end you will only find each other, just to give a hug and kiss…which would mean much more than that..

Sitting here dreaming
Love is growing
Ardent rays of hope shine in my heart
There’s no better form of “Art”

Seeing your eyes I am at peace
It makes me feel at ease
Knowing you is better than solace
With you I will surface

Trying to build an eternal bond
Without knowing the world is more than this pond
As you bring your head low
I wish to sit below

To make you rise
And see the sunrise
Your yawn reminds me of my pillow
You are a mellow

My heart beats for you
Wondering where are you
It’s your heart I wish for
There’s nothing I want more

There seems no end to this
I only wish for a kiss
Oh god! Is this eternal bliss
It’s something I don’t want to miss

I don’t know what you think about me
In you heart I wish to be
You look very serious
Give a smile to the pious

I wish to be far from you
I wish to be next to you

I wish to say I love you
I wish to fight with you

I wish to make love to you
I wish to stay away from you

I wish to lie on your lap
I wish to turn away from you

I wish to live for you
I wish to die for you

I wish to be your blossom
I wish to be your sprattle

I wish, I wish ……….. I realize it’s only a wish

The reality of Life beckons on me
God decides our destiny
Why destine her? Why, why, why ……
I can’t get her out of my heart
Her memories are the painful part

My heart is crying
Don’t know how long I will be living
This feeling, is it good or bad
I am not able decide

How can I love someone, who can live without me?
Am I destined to be with anybody?
Oh god, where do I head?
It’s better to be dead

She didn’t have to come into my messed up life
But I will meet her in the afterlife
Fucking…I wish to tear this heart apart
But then she would say I have an artificial heart

I am in a position of no return
When is it my turn to be in an urn?
I don’t wish to rise from the ashes
Life has no riches

I seem to be losing my innocence
I guess I have no sense
Everything just seems to be nonsense

Love is a feeling that you love or hate. I have started to learn that love has no value in today’s world. Love is for those who are lucky, like a person who finds a diamond in the dirt. The intellect sect can never achieve happiness through love, because they need to see logic. I wish to be a fool rather than be an intellect who rejects love because s/he does not find logic in the relationship.

You never create relationships, they are destined. Nature has its way and who are we to control nature. We look for signs from the opposite sex to see whether they are attracted to us and we do everything possible to look attractive. If nature created us, then god has his way of showing the path, you just need to follow. Some of us ignore this path and end up bruised, but for a reason.

Love has taught me many things in life, both positive and negative. As I look into the mirror, I see an aged boy facing the fact that his heart has lost the desire to love. I am not able to feel love for any woman. The fact that my persona has been such that I could fall in love with any woman has suddenly changed. I feel lust is taking over and I detest this feeling. My love is gone with the woman that I loved and nothing is making sense to me today. My heart has stopped beating; it has no desires and is living each day without hope or expectations.

As I sail through the seas of love, the skies have turned dark and the sea has become rough. I am struggling to keep myself buoyant and the sea is showing no mercy. I am looking around for help before the wrath of the sea gets the better of me. I suddenly realized, I have to get through this phase on my own. There is no one to help and that is the only thing certain about today’s circumstances.

People fall in love searching for happiness, without realizing that happiness is only momentary. Love can last forever, but not happiness. It is when you are willing to take the journey of Love with pain, do you understand the value of Love and through it happiness. Love can make you strong or weak, depending on whether you get love or are denied love. The lucky ones, who get Love end up doing well and die with memories worth living a million years, even though they end up with nothing. Their hearts are pure, free from evil and lust.

God, why is love so rare in this world. If god does exist then why this mess, what are you trying to achieve through hate. Are you trying to increase your value, but god cannot be selfish. So, it does not make sense when something as beautiful as love and as pure as god’s principles can be lost with the hate of people.

I feel like shouting out loud, to let her know my love for her is still ardent in my heart. I can’t talk to another girl without thinking about her. It’s sick to know that I have not moved on, inspite of the fact that she said, she can live without me. Its time I moved on and got on with my life.

Life has so many beautiful things to offer, but the anguish in my heart is not making me move ahead. I wish to let go, I wish to be free from her. God, set me free, I can’t take this anymore. How will I live like this, my whole life? The pain has gone to an extent that I find it difficult to pass everyday. There are times when I just wish she had never come into my life.

I would be at peace, but her thoughts have taken away my sleep and as someone said, “When you are not able to sleep you know it is love, because reality becomes more beautiful than you’re dreams.”

I don’t know if these feelings are beautiful or ugly, but my emotions are mixed and I would not be able to be the person I am today, if it was not for her love. God has strange ways to make us understand, but how to cope with it, he never tells us… that we have to figure out. I guess it’s his way of making us understand the value of love.

I believe every relationship in this world is decided by god. It is not in our control to manage them. We can plan to carry the relationship a little forward, but if god has decided that it has to end, no matter how hard you try it will end and vice-versa.

So, I guess she is behaving this way, because god did not want us to be together or is making me behave in this way so that I have to wait and she would come back to me. What he desires is unclear to me, but what is clear is that I did not know what I should do with this life and then suddenly I decided to write about my anguish and I find myself starting a blog, getting a job and now I am lot clear about this life. However, what use is this life that is without her, why doesn’t she understand. Might be she does care about me a lot and that’s why she left me. As I look back I see my life has become better in the last year.

I would not give her all the credit, because my friends have sat with me during the difficult times and encouraged me so much that if it was not for them I would have either killed myself or gone crazy. Their contributions to my life are priceless…I have to live for them, for they love me so much and I owe this life to them in more ways than one.

I am starting to believe that I might not get married, ever. I tried talking to a few girls, but am just feeling guilty when ever I talk to them. I feel I am not doing the right thing. There is a lot of lust in my mind and I am able to tell the difference between love and lust a lot more clearly. When I wanted to make love to her and put my head on her lap I could feel a sudden sense of serenity that I can’t describe. I felt I should touch her in ways that were gentle and everything was beautiful and calm, but now when I have lust in mind, I feel like hurting the person I am thinking about, its just I want to fuck her and leave her. I ask myself how could I think like this, but I am thinking that way and that’s the truth.

After all the failures in my life I have come to realise the fact that I have become miserably insane to myself. Nothing has changed in my life in all these years, except for the fact that a girl loved me. She was my angel, who supported me in all my failures. Even in failure she made me happy. Now, very few women can do that to a man. It was the first time in my life that I felt I was awake. Everyday seemed worth living and the overwhelming feeling of love made me rise from the ashes like the phoenix that reinvigorated. Every moment was like a new beginning.

A woman, who would put you in your place when you were egoistic? How to thank her for those eternal memories that I would cherish my whole life? She is the only reason I live today. She would tell me where I am wrong and would never give up on me. But the most important lesson she taught me is the importance of a woman in a man’s life. As a man you never value a woman till you understand her. I have realised that to understand a woman, you need to observe her daily. It is a lesson which teaches you how to be a better individual. If you truly understand her she is the most beautiful gift God could give a man. All my worries vanished if I would just keep my head on her lap. It was amazing that I could release all my tensions within a moment.

When you are with her you feel like you are with God and nothing can trouble you…except her . A woman’s cons make her vulnerable, but she compensates with a thorough introspection and the strength to discipline. Being with her I felt I was becoming a man that very few guys would understand. Ego had no meaning with her around, I lost it. The fact that I stand with nothing, but her memories, makes me feel intoxicated. If I were to run the race of life and fail, she would be right there waiting for me at the finish, ready to hug me and make me feel that winning is not everything…. The true winner is one who lives in each others hearts. I would love this woman forever and no power including her can take that out of my heart. .

Outside the window
I see a meadow
As I gaze
Everything becomes a haze
My heart is ablaze
I realise it’s a difficult phase

It’s starting to pain
I wish to explain
My love has gone
I’m all alone
I have no one to bank on
I still wish to move on

Tears are rolling down
I think I will drown
With no one to care
It’s something I can’t bear

This doesn’t feel like home
It’s more like a tomb
I don’t feel like living
Its cowardice dying

 Life’s become blurring
I need to look where I am going
Survival is an everyday sprattle
I need to fight this battle

During the last two months, I have grown in a way that I can’t describe. I suddenly find that there is very little indecisiveness in my actions. I know what has to be done and that makes me feel stronger and a lot happier. I am trying to pass on what I have understood to my colleagues and suddenly all problems around me seem smaller.

Just as I realise that, I also realise that the uncertainties in life are caused by the people around you. Today they are there with you and tomorrow, they just disappear for some reason. You might not know the reason or you do know, but no matter however hard you try you still ain’t able to fix it. This made me realise that the ones who are in our minds and hearts are the ones who are the reason for our indecisiveness. You take them out and see them as individuals whom god has sent for a reason, to teach you something in this life, causing pain or joy, their purpose is to lead you to your destiny.

As I ponder I realise that pain has a lot of value in making you disciplined. The truth is you never realise it. The only doubt in my life right now is, what am I heading for? I want to find the true purpose in my life, where everyday when I get up I realise I am living for a reason. A journey I wish to pursue, no matter what the consequences. Where the destination is unknown, but worthwhile? You see that you are the person who you are, but you still are different. Different in a way that people look at you as someone they look up to. They have a lot of expectations and they base their decisions on what you say. I only wish one day everyone would not require anyone but themselves to lead their lives and know what’s best for their family and them.

For me though the biggest challenge I face right now is helping people balance their emotions and actions. There was a time when I felt I would never be able to think positive and from nowhere god has given me the strength to move ahead. Even as blood pours out of my heart everyday, I can also see the wounds healing. I only want to help whoever I can by removing the indecisiveness in their lives, to give them a moment of joy that we search for everyday. My scars in life have taught me how to live happier and be more decisive in what I do and thatz all I wish to pass on to everyone.

Pain brings Tears
Tears begets determination
Determination assures Success
Success brings happiness
Happiness brings Togetherness
Togetherness brings love
Love brings tolerance
Tolerance brings peace
Peace builds relations
Relations create communities
Communities create Religion
Religions form God
God disciplines man with pain……… like parent to a child